My in-laws have a toxic relationship with my husband, Jacob, and it is beginning to ruin my life. Growing up, Jacob was the Golden Child, and his mother was very close to him. While I’m sure she loves both of her children, I have repeatedly observed that she prioritizes my husband over his sister, Sarah. I’m sure Sarah felt this growing up, which is why Jacob has always tried to fill the void by being a kind older brother. But the truth is, Sarah and my mother-in-law sometimes behave in such a ridiculous manner that it crosses the line.
For example, when Jacob and I first started dating, he lived with his family. His parents gave him an entire level of the house for privacy, so he would occasionally invite me to spend the night. Several times, Sarah would storm into our room in the morning while we were asleep without knocking. As you can imagine, we were not always properly dressed, but she would act as if everything was normal and start talking to Jacob about random topics. It was incredibly uncomfortable.
Naturally, I spoke with Jacob about it, and he agreed to install a lock on his door. The next morning, Sarah tried to storm in again but was stopped by the lock. She began jiggling the handle and hammering on the door, begging her brother to let her in. When Jacob finally opened it, she stormed in, and upon seeing me, pointed and began ranting at him.
“Is it because of this skank?” she demanded.
I was astonished. Jacob told her he installed the lock so she wouldn’t barge in on us, but Sarah wasn’t convinced. She angrily informed him that they were siblings and shouldn’t keep secrets. This was too much for me, so I excused myself. I could hear her yelling as I left. Later, Jacob apologized for her actions. The following weekend, Sarah gave me a pitiful apology, and that was that.
But her strange behavior continued. If Jacob and I disagreed on something trivial, Sarah would pipe up that he should date someone with comparable interests. She would ask me invasive questions about my past and make remarks like, “My brother’s previous girlfriend was far more attractive than you.” I initially kept my lips shut, but I’d had enough one day. I responded to her taunting by stating, “I liked my ex-boyfriend’s family better than Jacob’s because he didn’t have nosy, overbearing family members.” That silenced her, at least temporarily.
My mother-in-law was no exception. When she realized Jacob and I were serious, she began acting as if I was stealing her son away. She would purposefully ignore me at family gatherings. She once called me “stuck up and spoiled” because my parents sent me to a private school. She even tried to talk Jacob out of marrying me.
When Jacob proposed, both his mother and Sarah were shocked. They contacted me, telling me it was a horrible decision and that I should end the relationship and return the ring. I refused. My mother-in-law reluctantly changed her tune, telling me I should strive to be the best wife for him. Sarah, on the other hand, accused me of being a gold digger and threatened to “expose” me before our wedding.
Jacob confronted them, but they continued to believe I was unsuitable for him. He told me to disregard them, assuring me that he loved me regardless of their opinions.
As our wedding approached, things took an unexpected turn. One evening, Sarah invited herself over for dinner, saying she missed Jacob. During the meal, she abruptly began discussing how much she despised cheating partners, calling them “useless pieces of trash.” Then, out of nowhere, she looked me directly in the eyes.
“How does it feel to be a useless piece of trash?” she asked.
My brow furrowed in confusion as Sarah proudly hauled out photos of me and my coworker, Zach, waving them around and claiming she had caught me red-handed. The photos were entirely innocent. Zach and I were close coworkers, and he even had a girlfriend, which Jacob knew. But Sarah had turned these moments into “evidence” of a fictitious affair.
Before I could defend myself, Jacob, stunned and upset, stepped in. He questioned why Sarah was following me around and photographing me without my permission. She claimed she was just “investigating” me because she was scared I was marrying Jacob for his money. Jacob told her unequivocally that her charges were false and that she was creating drama out of nothing.
I had had enough. I informed her that I was going to make a police report against her for illegally photographing and stalking me. Her expression grew terrified. I told her I had all the evidence of her tracking me and attempting to slander me. She began imploring Jacob to speak with me, worried that a complaint would jeopardize her future.
“What do you want?” she asked me.
I assured her I wouldn’t pursue the complaint if she stayed away from my life. She had no other option but to agree. We have not spoken since that day.
The second incident occurred at our rehearsal dinner, which my mother-in-law had insisted on planning. When we arrived, it was a disaster. The “dinner” featured plastic tablecloths on picnic tables and cold Mexican food. My mother-in-law was upset the entire time, drinking excessively and repeatedly stating how she couldn’t wait for the wedding to be over. Eventually, my father-in-law became irate and escorted her away. The entire affair was a fiasco.
That night, Jacob and I had our first major disagreement. I told him strongly that he needed to uninvite Sarah and his mother from the wedding. I was concerned about what they might do, and I did not want to be embarrassed again. Frustrated, I promised that if he didn’t uninvite them, there would be no wedding.
Thankfully, Jacob understood. He called his father, Phil, early the next morning to inform him that his mother and sister were uninvited. Phil didn’t seem startled and promised he’d make sure they didn’t show up. My mother-in-law and Sarah began contacting Jacob constantly, but he was firm in his decision.
Later, I discovered from Jacob’s cousins that Sarah and my mother-in-law had intended to wear white dresses to our wedding. One cousin told me that in their family WhatsApp group, Sarah had encouraged others to wear white as well. After learning this, I was relieved they hadn’t been invited.
Over the years, Jacob and I painstakingly saved money and finally purchased our first home. His parents and Sarah came for a modest housewarming party, but I spent that time with my own family.
Then, last month, my mother-in-law contacted me unexpectedly. This was surprising, as we hadn’t spoken since my wedding day. She casually inquired about my well-being, then asked how it felt to live in such a spacious house with just Jacob and me. Her remark stung, since Jacob and I had been trying to conceive for a long time but were unable to due to infertility issues. Our families were aware of this, so her comment was very painful.
She then told me Sarah was pregnant again with her sixth child. Her husband was unemployed and did not believe in using contraception. My mother-in-law went on to say that because Sarah could no longer work during her pregnancy, she thought Jacob and I should give up our house for them because it was “too big for a childless couple like us.”
I was caught off guard and asked if she was joking. She was serious. She said Sarah and her husband deserved to live in a larger house and that she had already spoken with Jacob, who had allegedly consented to this. This was strange, as I knew Jacob would have told me.
I firmly told my mother-in-law that since the house belonged to both of us, he couldn’t grant permission without my agreement. To reach a solution, I said I would be happy to accommodate them for a few days, but they could not stay permanently. My mother-in-law began yelling, arguing that as a responsible daughter-in-law, I was required to make room for them.
In a rage, I cynically said, “Sure, I’ll be pleased to let them take our place. But we’re still paying for it, and I’m confident they won’t assist with the mortgage or bills. So, how about you take some responsibility and contribute? I’d be grateful if you could just cover the mortgage, and we’ll manage the rest. Of course, with only one job, you’ll definitely need a second one. Please let me know when you intend to get that second job.”
Hearing this, my mother-in-law exploded, shouting that it was crazy of me to ask her to pay the mortgage. I responded that it was equally ridiculous for her to expect us to care for Sarah’s family. This infuriated her even more, and she eventually disconnected the call.
Soon after, Sarah called and yelled at me. I told her that she was the gold digger, attempting to live with us without contributing, and that she could look at her own partner if she wanted to see the real gold digger. I firmly told her that I would never let her family into our home unless they agreed to help with the mortgage. She accused me of being cruel and putting money before family. The tables had turned, and I was relieved.
When Jacob returned from his business trip, we finally sat down and talked. He was taken aback by the story and said he had no idea about any of it. He confronted his mother, who tried to backtrack, claiming she knew Jacob would have no objections, so she took matters into her own hands.
Jacob firmly told her that he was not going to let Sarah, her unemployed husband, and their six children move in with us. My mother-in-law started yelling, stating Sarah desperately needed aid, but Jacob told her it was not our job. She then had the audacity to suggest that since I was childless, assisting Sarah’s children would make me feel fulfilled.
For the first time, I saw Jacob’s face change color. He raged at her, stating she had no right to say such rude things about me. He went on to say that he had done his best to maintain a positive connection with them, but he couldn’t take it any longer. “This is our home, and she is my wife,” he told her. “Anyone that offends her, disrespects me as well. And you do not deserve to be in my life.” Jacob ended the call with those final words.
A few weeks later, they showed up at our house, banging on the door while I was alone. I had installed cameras, and when I saw them, I called Jacob, who told me he was on his way. I answered the door but refused to let them in. My mother-in-law began ranting, accusing me of being callous, greedy, and selfish.
I reminded her that our conversation was being recorded and that I would use the footage to obtain a restraining order if necessary. Their eyes widened in surprise. Fortunately, Jacob arrived at that exact moment. He resisted his mother’s attempt to hug him and firmly demanded why they had come. Jacob reiterated that it was his decision to cut contact and he wanted nothing to do with either of them. He told them to leave the property or he would call the police. They fled, devastated, but Jacob no longer cared.
I am relieved that my husband has finally learned how toxic his family is. Phil has since apologized on behalf of his wife, and I am ready to move on from this circumstance and continue our lives peacefully.