My sister is 26, and I am 28. After a horrible incident that I will describe in a moment, we haven’t spoken for about six years. For whatever reason, my parents never discouraged the fierce sibling rivalry that existed between us as we grew up; they would actually encourage us to compete more. In retrospect, I don’t think that was a smart move.
When we reached high school, we hardly spoke to one another, and we enjoyed it that way. After that, I left for college and only saw my sister when I came home. I began dating my fiancé around the time I was to graduate; after being friends for three years, he finally plucked up the courage to ask me out. I said sure.
I brought him home for supper one weekend after we had been dating for three months because I wanted to introduce him to my parents. It just so happened that my sister, who had just begun college, had also decided to spend the weekend at home. It was already a formula for disaster. My life was going really well; I had a lovely boyfriend, a career, and my own apartment. My sister, however, wasn’t doing as well. She was angry that she had to settle for her second choice of college and was having a hard time making friends.
I could tell my sister wasn’t pleased when I presented my boyfriend to my parents; she pouted in the background. She instantly turned on her charm as I introduced her, which seemed strange. Then things became more bizarre. My sister was very interested in my boyfriend’s life and kept attempting to talk to him. Then she went too far and began openly flirting with him in front of me. Throughout dinner, she wasn’t even subtle about it; she was clearly doing it to annoy me.
I lost my temper and urged my sister to stop, since it was repulsive that she was flinging herself at him. She simply rolled her eyes and continued to speak to him. I snapped and screamed at her, telling her that he was my visitor and that she should show him respect. She said she was only assisting my boyfriend in realizing that there were alternatives to me and that he deserved better. We began cursing at each other. I dubbed her a loser and stated she was resentful because she wasn’t doing as well as I was.
She was deeply affected by that remark. She pulled me over and slapped me after grabbing my hair across the table. I was initially too surprised to respond, but it escalated into a full-fledged fight. We were so violent that my boyfriend and our parents had to break us apart. Even though we were both hurt and scratched up, we continued to yell at one another. It was my partner who pulled me away, got me in the car, and drove us home.
I completely stopped talking to my sister after this episode. For me, it was the final straw. My parents called me the day following the event to inform me that they had reprimanded my sister. I informed them that I had no interest in resolving the matter. I didn’t want anything to do with her anymore.
It’s been six years since that happened. My parents and my sister have a typical relationship, but she and I avoid each other, even on holidays. Everyone in the family knows we don’t get along, but no one understands why. I kept it a secret for over six years, but during my bridal shower, I finally revealed the truth.
My maid of honor had only invited close relatives and friends. My fiancé was also present. However, my parents chose to invite my estranged sister as well. I have no idea what they were thinking, but I was taken aback when they entered with her. My sister appeared just as surprised to see me. The room became quiet.
My parents approached us both and said that a lot had changed in six years. Above all, they expected us to make amends because they thought we were older and more mature. My sister had clearly been duped by them to get her there.
Before she could say anything, I informed my parents they had no right to do this on such a significant day for me. I gently requested that they go with my sister, but my parents wouldn’t leave. They advised me to move on from the past as if nothing important had occurred. This annoyed me.
I reenacted the entire episode to help them remember and to make sure everyone else knew exactly what had happened six years prior. I then inquired if anyone in the room felt that I could simply let go of this. I was marrying the same man with whom my sister had openly flirted. Above all, she had attacked me first, simply because I called her out. I had never had someone attempt to physically harm me in that way before, so it was traumatic. Despite everything, she acted as if nothing had happened and never apologized. I didn’t feel obligated to forgive her.
Fortunately, my sister realized her mistake and left. My mother followed her, and my father stayed with me for a short while, but I informed him that I didn’t want to talk to him. He became irritated and accused me of being irrational, but he also left after a few minutes. I was so overwhelmed that I had to take a few minutes off to gather myself. Fortunately, my fiancé and maid of honor supported me, and we resumed the celebration as if nothing had happened.
About five days later, my mother called me, not to offer an apology, but rather to hold me responsible for my sister’s predicament. She instructed me to contact my aunt and ensure that she offered my sister the marketing position she had been discussing. My sister had been out of work for six months and had to move back in with our parents. My mother had discussed this with my aunt, who was launching a new company and had first chosen to appoint my sister as head of marketing. However, my aunt stopped replying and eventually revoked the invitation following the bridal shower episode.
When my mother forwarded the message my aunt had sent her, my aunt stated that it was evident my sister had severe anger management problems. My aunt wasn’t pleased that she hadn’t even offered an apology. Furthermore, my aunt stated that she had interviewed a more competent applicant for the job and would now offer the position to them.
I informed my mother that I couldn’t do anything about it. My mother began to lose her head and started screaming at me, suggesting I purposefully painted my sister as unstable to garner the family’s sympathy. I blocked my parents and hung up.
A few days later, my parents came to see me. I already had a lot on my plate, as I was getting married in a few weeks. We were just about to leave for a last-minute wedding dress fitting. I told them to leave, but they wouldn’t go, so we let them in for a cursory hearing.
They insisted that I talk to my aunt and make sure my sister found employment. It was the same argument. My sister then cut me off. “They came for other reasons,” she claimed. It was our first conversation in six years. She went on to tell me that she felt compelled to apologize.
I had serious doubts about her intentions. I questioned if she truly wanted to apologize or if she was just there because she believed I could help her land the job. She appeared a little taken aback by my candor but explained that she had come to apologize and that our parents were there to discuss the job. My parents appeared astonished.
My sister said that over the previous six years, she had given her actions against me a lot of thought but had always found a reason not to say sorry. She informed me that she had been resentful of me since she was a child because she felt like she had to compete. She felt bad about it because we could have been friends. Hearing her utter all of it was crazy, and I’m embarrassed to say that I began to cry.
After that, she spoke to my fiancé and expressed regret for the way she had treated him. She acknowledged that the apology was long overdue. She didn’t wait for our response once she was done; she merely stated that we didn’t have to pardon her. She just wanted to let it out, and now that she had, she would stop bothering us.
After she left, my parents eventually left without a word. My fiancé and I are currently debating whether or not to forgive her. Even though it took her many years to realize we could have been friends, that is something I’m truly happy about.
A few days after my most recent update, I contacted my sister. I told her that I would love for her to attend my wedding and that I accepted her apology. It was a very joyful day, and she kindly accepted my invitation.
My parents were not present, as was to be expected. They informed me via email that there had been a huge mistake and that they would not be attending. They said my sister and I had begun to demonize them and that they now intend to take some time off and live their separate lives. I mean, if that’s what they want, I’m okay with it.
In any case, I’m glad everything went without a hitch and that I’m at last getting back on track with my sister. This is sufficient for me for the time being. Life has never been better, and my husband and I will soon be departing for our honeymoon.