I’m 29, and for the past five years, I haven’t spoken to my parents. They recently contacted me, not for a reconciliation, but because they wanted me to help my brother. My brother, Craig, who is 31, has always been the golden child. My parents never bothered to hide it; he was better than me in every aspect, especially academically. They never let me forget it. He got into a great college, and five years ago, he became the youngest vice president in the history of his company. His fancy corporate job became the standard I was expected to beat, and my parents couldn’t stop rubbing it in my face.
Honestly, I had no interest in being a 9-to-5 employee. I wanted to be an entrepreneur, a goal I’d had since I’d first learned the meaning of the word. Five years ago, after gaining some industry knowledge, I decided I was finally ready to start my own business: designing modern, edgy car accessories. I had done my research and had a proper business model, so I decided to speak to my parents about it first. I believed that despite how they treated me compared to my brother, they would still want the best for me.
I approached them two days after they had thrown a party for Craig’s promotion. I laid out my plan, expecting some feedback. Instead, they just started laughing. They said I had to be pranking them, that it was embarrassing that after all my education, this was my big idea. I told them I was serious, but they advised me not to quit my job. They said they would be embarrassed to introduce their son as a failure, as they were certain my business was doomed from the start.
I was offended and argued with them, telling them I was going ahead with or without their support. They told me I was free to do whatever I wanted, but I was not free of the consequences. If I went ahead with my “foolish” business idea, they would be forced to cut me out of their life because I would be an embarrassment. They were sick of introducing one son as a vice president and the other as someone still trying to figure his life out. They gave me an ultimatum: either work my way up at my current job or go my own way and lose them.
The choice was obvious. I cut them out of my life and never spoke to them again. Craig, predictably, took their side, which I was fine with. I had faith in my business idea and was determined to prove them wrong. I quit my job and poured everything into my new company. I know it was a risky move, and I wouldn’t recommend it to everyone, but it worked. The first few months were rough; I was living hand-to-mouth, relying on word-of-mouth marketing. But after about a year and a half, things started picking up pace.
Now, I’m pretty comfortable. I have a nice apartment in a great neighborhood, a nice car, and a thriving business. I wouldn’t say I’m a millionaire, but I am doing well enough for myself—and I am certainly not the failure my parents expected me to be. For the past five years, I’ve had no contact with them. I even got married to my girlfriend of eight years, and last month, we found out she was pregnant. I’ve had so many milestones, but I never tried to contact my parents. I knew they were aware of my life; I kept in touch with other relatives who told me my parents often asked about me, but they never reached out.
Then, last week, they finally did. They sent a message asking if I would be willing to meet. My wife encouraged me to go, so I visited them at their house. They welcomed me warmly, but I could sense they were building up to something. Finally, they addressed the elephant in the room. They had heard my business was doing well and wanted to congratulate me. They didn’t apologize for the past, but they said their initial skepticism was gone. I just smiled, not knowing what to say.
Then they told me that Craig had been unlucky. His company had been struggling, and there had been mass layoffs. Even the upper management, including him, had been fired. For the past four months, he had been sitting at home, depressed and struggling to find a new job. After letting that sink in, they got to the point: they asked me if I would be willing to hire my brother. They said he was too depressed to apply for jobs on his own, and the offers he was getting were below his pay grade. They wanted me to give him a well-paying position in my company where he could bring his expertise to the table.
I was stunned. I told them I needed time to think about it. They seemed pleased, clearly expecting me to say yes. After discussing it with my wife, I decided to decline. She told me this was a professional arena, and if I believed I couldn’t work well with my brother, then that’s what should be done. Besides, she didn’t think my parents’ attempt to reconcile was genuine. I owed them nothing.
I tried to avoid a confrontation, but they started texting me every day, demanding an answer. Finally, they called me. I told them that after a lot of deliberation, I had concluded that Craig and I could not work well together. They completely flipped out. They started screaming about everything they had done for me—raising me, paying for things when I was a child—and how I was now turning my back on them when they needed me to return the favor.
I told them it was unfair to say that. “I just wouldn’t be able to work well with Craig,” I explained. “That’s the only reason.” But they continued to scream, saying I was being petty and holding on to past grudges. They reminded me that Craig was my brother and that he would have done the same for me if our situations were reversed. They claimed they would have supported me if my business had failed, so I owed it to them to do the same. The argument got so heated that I told them I didn’t want to speak to them anymore, hung up, and blocked their numbers. Since then, I’ve been feeling a nagging guilt, even though I know my wife is right—they were just trying to manipulate me.
It’s been a week since I last spoke to my parents. My wife and I have decided to stick to our decision, but it’s not sitting well with my parents. They’ve been going around telling every single relative we have that I’m jealous of my brother and am relishing the opportunity to see him fail. It’s a ridiculous plea for attention, but I’m not giving it to them. They remain blocked.
A few of my relatives have reached out, sending me screenshots of my parents’ texts. I’ve explained the entire situation to them. It’s not like they didn’t know about our strained relationship; they’ve seen us ignore each other at family events for five years. Most of them told me not to worry, that they know my parents are overreacting.
A couple of days ago, my wife and I made our pregnancy announcement on social media. Most of our family reached out to congratulate us, but then I received an email from an unknown sender. It said my child was going to suffer because of what I was doing to my family. I immediately knew it was from my parents. Nobody else would say something so horrendous. My baby isn’t even born yet, and they’re already wishing ill upon us just because I said no.
I didn’t tell my wife about the email; I didn’t want to upset her. I chose to deal with it on my own. I drove over to my parents’ house, but they refused to even open the door, probably because they knew they were in the wrong. So, I just yelled at them from outside their house. I told them they had no right to say such things after how they’d treated me my entire life. I said they didn’t deserve to even speak to me at this point, let alone share in my success. I told them they would never see their grandchild and that even if they apologized, I would never forgive them. After saying my piece, I left. I had been holding those things back for so long, and it felt relieving to finally let it all out.
Then, this morning, I received a call from Craig. It was strange; he hadn’t spoken to me in five years. I ignored the first call, but he messaged me saying it was urgent and that he wasn’t going to ask anything of me. I decided to answer.
He said he had been depressed and ignoring messages, but when he finally checked them, he saw everyone talking about how unfair it was for our parents to demand I give him a job. He was confused. He’d spoken to our parents constantly, and they’d never mentioned any of this. When he confronted them, they denied everything. He felt they were lying, so he called me to find out the truth.
He had confided in our parents about his job situation, but he had never once said he wanted my help. He couldn’t understand why they had chosen to enlist me and then try to force me into giving him a job.
After giving it some thought, I told him the truth. I explained that our parents had shared his story and then demanded I hire him. I told him that while their initial intention might have been to help, it had just turned into them harassing me. Craig seemed to understand. He told me he wasn’t interested in working with me—not offensively, but because he wasn’t in the right state to be working with anyone. He was taking a break on purpose. My parents had made it sound like he had no offers, but he actually did; he was just holding out on them. He was frustrated that they had made him seem desperate. He apologized for everything I had gone through. It was mature of him, and I felt like he had grown up a lot.
A couple of days after our talk, Craig confronted our parents again. It did not go well. They got defensive, saying they were just trying to help him and didn’t think his decision to take time off was a good one. It ended in a huge fight, with Craig accusing them of trying to control his life. Now, Craig is no longer speaking to them.
And guess who they are blaming for all of this? Me, of course.
This time, they made a Facebook post about it. But lucky for me, all our relatives came to my rescue, calling our parents out on their BS. They reminded them that they had been terrible parents, not just to me but to Craig as well, by trying to control him and put him under pressure during a difficult time. After receiving a flood of negative comments, my parents deleted the post and blocked everybody.
To sum it up, pretty much everyone has ostracized them, and I’m happy about it. Craig has apologized to me for how he treated me in the past, and we are going to try and build our relationship in the future. But right now, the most important thing in my life is my wife, and I’m really excited to be a father.