Not only are my emotions all over the place because of the pregnancy, but also because of what’s happened on my husband’s end. A little context. My father-in-law is a very old-fashioned and controlling man. Okay, I’m lying, he’s very old-fashioned and extremely controlling. He’s the kind who stayed in his time, the 11th century.
He thinks men should be leaders and women should be obedient. He constantly throws barbs at me about how I should dress, how I should cook, how I should better serve my husband. My tactic has always been to ignore him because arguing with him is pointless. The problem is, my husband grew up under this man’s thumb.
My husband isn’t a bad person overall, except for this. He can be sweet, funny, and thoughtful, but when it comes to his dad, it’s like he’s back to being a kid desperate for approval. He listens to whatever his dad says, even when it’s obviously hurtful. The good thing so far is that he’s maintained some boundaries with his father and protected me, which I thought would continue with fatherhood.
He’d be a father himself. He could raise his son in a way his father never did, like a sergeant in the Seventh Regiment. Then I got pregnant. My pregnancy wasn’t easy because I had complications from the start. I had horrible nausea that lasted well beyond the first trimester. I developed gestational diabetes, which meant constantly monitoring my diet, checking my blood sugar several times a day, and stressing about everything I ate.
I was constantly uncomfortable. My feet swelled so much that if we needed extra work, I could work as a clown. I didn’t need fake shoes. I also had back pain that made it hard to sleep, and I felt like my body wasn’t even my own anymore. If you’ve been through a pregnancy, you’ll know this—just a little worse than average. Toward the end.
My doctor began talking seriously about labor. She reviewed my medical history and explained that the shape of my pelvis, combined with the baby’s size, made a normal delivery risky. There was a strong possibility that labor would stall or end in an emergency. She recommended scheduling a cesarean section to avoid that.
She didn’t force me, but she made it clear that it was the safest option for both me and my baby. I was actually relieved when she said that. I’d been fearing a long labor that could turn into an emergency. I wanted the safest option, so I went home and told my husband what the doctor said. That’s when he told me he needed to talk to his dad about it.
At first I thought he was joking, but no. He actually called his dad, explained everything, and then came back to me repeating his words almost word for word. Or at least I know those words came from his father, not him. Apparently his dad told him I was just being dramatic, that women today are lazy, that childbirth is supposed to be painful and difficult, and that real mothers don’t escape these things.
He said my husband had to man up and prevent me from taking the easy way out. And my husband agreed with him. He came back to me and said he believed his father was right, that a C-section was unnecessary, and that I just didn’t want to go through the work of a natural birth. He said women had been doing this since the beginning of time without surgery.
He said I had to toughen up. He wasn’t even listening to me or the doctor; he was just repeating his dad. I can’t describe how betrayed I felt at that moment. I was nine months pregnant, uncomfortable, exhausted, scared. He was calling me lazy. I wasn’t asking for something frivolous, I wasn’t asking for a vacation or a luxury; I was following medical advice for the safety of myself and our child, who, as far as I know, know more than a troglodyte and his caveman son.
That night I lay awake in bed and realized something very hard. If I couldn’t trust my husband to back me up on something so important, then I couldn’t trust him at all. If he’d rather obey his dad than protect me and our baby, then what was the point? So I made my decision.
I called my doctor the next day and confirmed the C-section. I asked my mom to be my support person. I told the hospital staff that only she would be allowed in, and I stopped telling my husband anything about the schedule. I didn’t tell him the scheduled date, or when I entered the hospital.
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When the day arrived, my mom took me. I was nervous, but also calm, knowing I was finally in good hands. The surgery went well, and the doctors and nurses were kind and professional. My daughter was born healthy, and hearing her first cry was the most beautiful sound I’ve ever experienced.
I cried too, partly from relief and partly from joy. For the first time in months, I felt like everything was going to be okay. As I lay in recovery holding my newborn, I kept thinking about my husband and his dad. I thought about how during the scariest and most vulnerable times of my life, the man who was supposed to love me unconditionally chose his dad’s old-fashioned macho nonsense over me, and I thought about how I could never forgive that.
And that’s when the idea for the card came to me. When I was ready, I took a blank card and pressed my daughter’s little foot into it in ink. I stamped it on the paper, her perfect little print, and underneath I wrote, “Thanks for turning your son into a single loser at 35.”
“I mailed it to my husband and father-in-law. That was my goodbye. The backlash has been intense. My husband has been blowing up my phone with angry messages, demanding to know how I could have shut him out like that. His parents are calling me a heartless witch, saying I ruined their family. Even some mutual friends think I was too harsh on the card.”
But my mom says I did the right thing. She says my daughter and I are safe, and that’s what matters. She says I don’t owe anyone an apology for choosing what was right. At this point, divorce is inevitable. I can’t stay with someone who thinks like my father-in-law or who could be so influenced by him. What’s next? Beating a baby to a pulp. Update one.
I’ve been in the hospital these past few days, and it was my mother who sent the cards with my revenge, if you can even call it that. I see it more as an original way of letting them know I’ve cut them off. So after sending the card, my husband showed up at the hospital anyway. He tried to enter my room, but the nurses stood their ground, as I’d made it clear he wasn’t allowed.
I could hear him screaming in the hallway as I held my newborn. And I just remember thinking how insane it was that that was his reaction. Not like my wife or my baby, but anger that he wasn’t in control. Security ended up escorting him out. When I was discharged, I went home with my mom. My soon-to-be ex had said he wasn’t going to sit around the house waiting for me.
Better for me. My mom took a few days off work to stay with me and is helping with the baby. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Those first few nights were brutal. Sleep deprivation, hormones, recovery from surgery. But every time I looked at my daughter, I felt grounded. It’s all worth it.
Meanwhile, my husband has been in a very scary bind. He alternates between begging me to take him back and sending me nasty texts about how I ruined his life. Not once has he apologized for siding with his dad or calling me lazy. Every apology comes wrapped in a “But it’s your fault.”
Her dad is even worse. He left a voicemail saying that if I were a real wife, I’d be trying to rebuild the family, not destroy it with feminist nonsense. I didn’t even bother to respond. This isn’t even feminist. It was just for my health and the baby’s. I guess for this guy, it should be natural.
And if she died, well, that’s nature, but she’d be a real woman, not a feminist. I still don’t know how she’s walking around free. Legally, I started the separation process. My mom put me in touch with a lawyer who specializes in family law. Right now, custody is the big question.
I’m not trying to completely cut him out of our daughter’s life, but I’m also not comfortable with him having unsupervised time with her when he keeps repeating his father’s ideas about women. My lawyer said the courts usually favor joint custody unless there’s a serious risk, but she also said the fact that he wasn’t there at birth and is now unstable might work in my favor. We’ll see.
Emotionally, I feel a mix of relief and grief. Relief that I trusted myself and didn’t allow myself to be intimidated into putting my health at risk. Relief that my daughter came into the world safely, but also grief for the marriage I thought I had. I can’t stop thinking about our wedding, the promises she made, how excited we were when we found out I was pregnant.
I had a couple until it stopped being one and became a threesome because her dad also had an opinion. The card has become somewhat famous in my family. Half of us think it was hilarious and perfect, and the other half thinks it was cruel, but I honestly don’t regret it. It was the only moment I felt empowered again after months of being dismissed and talked down to.
It was a reminder that I wasn’t helpless. I was choosing myself and my daughter over his toxic nonsense. My daughter is tiny but strong. She obviously has no idea what’s going on because she’s barely days old and doesn’t know about divorces, crazy in-laws, entitled people, and all that.
I’m going to protect her from all of that because if she’s not even a month old and already suffering the consequences of people like that, it’s not like she came into this world with the best of luck. Update two. I didn’t think life could be more dramatic, but it isn’t. My husband and his father are the dramatic ones here. Talk about what a real man would do. They behave a lot like women.
I’d expect this from my group of friends, but from a prehistoric male who hunted dinosaurs with his forehead. I don’t think so. My soon-to-be ex and her dad apparently decided to treat this whole situation like a game they could win out of sheer stubbornness. Don’t read this if you don’t want spoilers.
It went badly, worse than badly. After my first update, I initiated legal proceedings for separation and custody. I thought my husband would calm down once the lawyers came in, but instead, he and his father decided to play dirty. My husband tried to argue in court that I had unilaterally excluded him from the birth and that this showed I was unwilling to co-parent.
Her father even presented a bizarre written statement about how I was corrupting the sanctity of motherhood by choosing surgery. My lawyer destroyed both of them without even flinching. She basically told the judge that medical decisions are between patient and doctor, not between entitled relatives. Best of all, my medical records completely support me.
They clearly showed the risks, the doctor’s recommendation, and that the C-section wasn’t a whim, but a necessary precaution. The judge seemed unimpressed with my husband’s entire argument. At one point, he tried to portray himself as having stepped outside his legitimate role as head of the household. The judge interrupted him and reminded him that the courts don’t recognize the authority of the head of the household in custody matters.
I was embarrassed and wanted the judge to recuse herself so a judge could hear the case, but I’m sure that wouldn’t have made any difference. Here was a baby coming out of my body, endangering both of us. I don’t butt into his business when he’s eating his father’s spicy chili and spending an hour in the bathroom. Meanwhile, my father-in-law has been losing his mind.
He called my mom’s house so many times that we had to block him on all phones. He sent a letter saying he planned to sue me for grandparent rights. My lawyer was happy because, besides having no basis for it, all he achieved was making himself look even more controlling. Here comes the spice, and it’s not chili. During all of this, it came to light that my husband has been living back with his parents since I kicked him out of the house.
Apparently, she quit her job during the final stages of my pregnancy because her father told her it was humiliating to work under a female boss after one had been promoted. So not only did she work against me regarding my medical care, but she also sabotaged our financial stability while I was pregnant.
I had no idea why he told me he was working from home. My jaw dropped when I found out. The man was literally playing video games on his computer while I went to doctor’s appointments, managing a high-risk pregnancy alone, because he told me he had a delivery soon. Probably a delivery with shots.
Obviously, the court didn’t approve of this. When custody was being discussed, my lawyer pointed out that he doesn’t have a permanent residence of his own, no current job, and a history of putting his father’s opinions before the well-being of his wife and daughter. Currently, he’s only been granted supervised visitation. He spends two hours a week in a visitation center.
He hates it, and his dad apparently sits there with him every time, like a bitter chaperone. The center’s staff has already pointed out that my father-in-law tries to interfere during visits and has had to remind him that the time is for my husband and the baby, not him. I’m not going to lie, my meaner side had to laugh, and so did everyone else. When I read that in the report.
For my part, I’m doing better than I could be. It’s not easy being a single mother, but my mom is a star, and I’ve built a small but strong support system around me. My friends bring food, neighbors stop by to check on me, and especially strangers on Reddit are cheering me on, which helps more than I can say.
And it’s not just women; there are also men who say things like, “Look, I consider myself sexist, but what your father-in-law did is on another level. Now I feel like I dodged the biggest bullet of my life,” or to put it in my father-in-law’s terms, the biggest stone spear for hunting mammoths. Imagine raising a girl with a man who takes parenting advice from his father as if it were gospel.
Imagine trying to explain to my daughter why her dad thinks a woman’s pain is laziness. No, thanks. The card—or yes, the famous card—has become somewhat legendary. My aunt even framed a copy as a joke, and it hangs in my hallway. Every time I walk by, I smile. My husband apparently tells everyone who will listen that it was the cruelest thing anyone has ever done to him.
Honestly, if a sarcastic card is the worst trauma of your life, then you’ve had it pretty easy. Maybe your father’s upbringing wasn’t so bad. Maybe he kept him in a glass case his whole life. My father-in-law is going around saying I butchered his son and ruined his manhood. What he doesn’t realize is that every time he opens his mouth, he agrees with me, because if manhood can be ruined because a woman makes a medical decision about her own body, then maybe it wasn’t much of a manhood to begin with.
Besides, having your father tell you what to do doesn’t seem very manly. At this point, I don’t even believe they’re sexist anymore. They’ve founded another new religion, and I don’t know what it’s about. The trial is ongoing, but so far everything is leaning in my favor. My husband and his father are desperate to appear responsible. But it’s hard to achieve that when you don’t have a job.
You live at home with your parents and rant about feminism in custody hearings. I’m just focused on my daughter and building a life without her nonsense. I feel bad sometimes. Sure, there are times when I wish my daughter had a father who deserved her. But then I remember the hospital hallway where he was screaming about being excluded while I held our newborn.
And I remember the last few weeks where he told me to just suck it up, then the guilt eases. Update three. I thought supervised visitation and the court process would calm things down, but my husband and his dad decided that instead of behaving like adults, they were going to treat this as a crusade. And since they’re both terrible at strategy, they come back in bad shape every time.
After the judge imposed supervised visitation, I honestly thought my husband would grit his teeth and stay put until he bought himself more time. That’s what a rational person who wants to see his daughter would do. But no, he and his dad did the opposite. They decided to prove, so to speak, that I was the incompetent one.
My father-in-law formally filed a complaint with the court, claiming that I was mentally unstable because I chose a C-section. Yes, you read that right. His argument was that no sane woman would mutilate herself rather than undergo a natural birth. It occurs to me that this could be anyone who believes in medicine and prefers not to risk anyone’s life when methods exist to prevent it, rather than risk everything for reasons that aren’t entirely clear.
As you can see, my father-in-law isn’t exactly the smartest person, nor were the couple of comments that, in addition to calling me a feminist, corrected me, in quotes, because dinosaurs didn’t coexist with humans. I know, it’s a joke that doesn’t take much intelligence to understand. I’ll give you a few clues.
My father-in-law couldn’t possibly marry his head. He has little use for it, and that’s not one of them. But back to the point, the fact that he made that decision had to be considered evidence that I couldn’t be trusted with childbirth. He literally attached printouts from fringe sites about the sanctity of natural childbirth as proof.
My lawyer dismantled it in about five minutes. The judge was visibly irritated and told them the court wasn’t going to entertain pseudoscience. That’s what social media is for. But they weren’t done being embarrassed. That’s what they use their heads for. My husband filed motions claiming I was alienating him from his daughter by not communicating directly.
My lawyer calmly presented pages of his interesting text messages—half of them angry insults and the other half pathetic pleas—to show exactly why he had moved all communication through my lawyer. The judge agreed and ordered that all future interactions occur through a parenting app that records every exchange.
Guess who immediately screwed up? Yes, my husband wrote a long rant on the app in two days about how his dad says the courts are biased against men and that I’m brainwashed by feminist ideology. It’s a [ __ ] app that the judge ordered. It’s obviously going to be monitored. My lawyer couldn’t stop smiling when she saw it, although she was a little sad because I could literally represent myself or put a brick in the dock and she wouldn’t be needed anymore.
Then came their boldest and dumbest move. Yes. We can’t deny their drive to excel. My husband filed an emergency petition for unsupervised custody. In the petition, he claimed I was preventing bonding opportunities so important at this stage and that the child was at risk of not forming a relationship with him.
The problem is that an emergency motion requires real evidence of imminent harm. They didn’t have any, and they rejected it almost instantly. Not only did they deny it, but the judge warned that if they filed any more frivolous motions, she would consider sanctions. My lawyer is already preparing a motion for sanctions for waste of court resources and harassment.
Meanwhile, his behavior at the visitation center has been a complete circus. My father-in-law insists on going with my husband every time, but that doesn’t help at all. Instead of staying quiet, he constantly interferes. He criticizes how my husband holds the baby, criticizes the supplies I send, makes passive-aggressive comments about me not being there, and even tries to tell the staff how they should handle visitation.
The staff has written multiple reports and has already warned him that he’s on the ropes. If he doesn’t stop, they’ll ban him from attending. The irony is that my husband is completely dependent on his father during these visits. Reports indicate that when his father-in-law is present, he constantly gives my husband advice on what to do.
But when the staff asks him to step aside, my husband freezes. He doesn’t know what to do for himself. He feels awkward, barely interacting, until his dad intervenes again. Everything is on record now. Documented proof that my husband can’t parent without his dad literally dictating to him. The pattern is clear.
Every time they try to attack me, they only expose themselves. The court isn’t interested in their antiquated view of true women and heads of households. The court wants to see who can provide a safe and stable environment. And so far, they’re proving time and time again that it’s not them. What makes it better and messier is that their lies keep unraveling.
Remember how I found out my husband quit his job during my pregnancy because his dad told him it was humiliating to have a female boss? Well, now that’s also part of the custody case. The court asked for financial statements, and his showed zero income. He’s completely dependent on his parents. In the meantime, I’m getting by with my mom’s help.
I work part-time from home and display constant stability. Guess which side the court favors. And here’s a detail I almost feel guilty about enjoying. Apparently, their lawyer is getting fed up with them. At the last hearing, he kept pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing every time the father-in-law opened his mouth. At one point, the judge had to remind the father-in-law that he’s not a party to the custody case, and the lawyer seemed to want to melt away.
So for now, supervised visits continue. But my lawyer is asking for them to become long-term with additional conditions, given how incapable my husband seems without his father present. If they ban the father-in-law from the center, I honestly don’t know how my husband will manage, but that’s not my problem.
They created this mess. At this point, I don’t even have to fight that hard. They’re doing the work for me. Every complaint they file, every rant they write, every time the father-in-law opens his mouth in front of the court staff, it only strengthens my case. It’s like watching someone dig their own grave while insisting they’re building a castle. Edit.
I haven’t talked much about my mother-in-law because this woman is literally everything my father-in-law wants. You can imagine her, she has no opinions whatsoever. Update four. This is how everything ended up falling into place. Supervised visits continued to decline. The staff at the center wrote more and more reports about how my husband struggled without constant direction from his father.
They noticed that he barely interacted unless someone told him what to do. Even simple things like holding the baby or playing with her required coaching. When staff intervened to guide him, he became defensive and bitter instead of listening. The reports painted a clear picture. He wasn’t nurturing; he was acting reluctantly under supervision.
After several warnings, the center finally banned my father-in-law. They told my husband he could continue his visits alone, but his father was no longer allowed on the property. That’s when everything fell apart. On his first solo visit, my husband sat in the visiting room like a lost teenager.
The staff wrote that she spent most of her time scrolling on her phone, occasionally glancing at the baby, but making almost no effort to interact. When they reminded her that this time was for bonding, she mumbled that she didn’t know what to do. This continued for a few weeks, then she started missing visits altogether.
First he said he was sick, then that he had work obligations, although he remains unemployed as far as I know. Then he simply stopped giving reasons. The staff reported everything, and my lawyer presented it to the court. At the next hearing, the judge directly asked why he was missing his visits. She blamed me. She said I had poisoned the relationship, made it impossible for them to connect. The judge didn’t buy it.
She pointed to reports from the center showing that he barely participated when he was there. She told him bluntly that fatherhood is an active role, not something that happens automatically. He looked stunned, as if no one had ever told him that before. The judge asked him if he wanted to continue the visits. Instead of saying yes and promising to improve, he launched into a speech about how he shouldn’t have to prove himself as a father, how the role of men is disrespected in today’s society, and how this whole process was over.
under him. He went on and on quoting his father almost word for word until the judge cut him off. After that, the judge issued her ruling. The supervised visits would continue for three more months, but if he missed another visit or refused to participate, they would be suspended indefinitely. She made it very clear that the responsibility was entirely his.
No more excuses, no more blaming me, no more hiding behind his dad. Since then, he’s missed every single visit. He hasn’t shown up even once, not once. The court has already scheduled a follow-up to review the situation, but my lawyer says it’s basically a done deal. If he continues to refuse, the visits will be suspended, not ended.
I could request them again later if things ever get better, but they’ll be on hold until then. The almost surreal thing is how quiet everything has become since then. Before, my phone would blow up daily with angry messages. Her dad ranted nonstop, but now nothing. It’s as if they gave up the second the court said it was up to him alone.
I expected them to keep fighting, but without his father physically present to stir things up, my husband just vanished. It feels weird. For months, everything was a battle. He was constantly on guard, waiting for the next trick, the next ridiculous motion, the next outburst in court. Now there’s only silence.
The case isn’t officially closed yet, but everyone knows where it’s going. My lawyer says we’ll probably close it soon with custody residing entirely with me, unless he has a miraculous turnaround. She doubts he will. She’s seen a lot of this already. Update five. Update for everyone who stayed.
The case is officially over. The divorce was finalized last week, and custody was awarded to me outright. My ex didn’t contest it in the end, not even showing up for the final two hearings. The judge suspended his visitation indefinitely due to his repeated absences and lack of effort. If he ever wants to reapply, he would have to demonstrate stability, employment, and complete parenting classes.
I mean, never. So that’s it. I came into this as a wife and came out as a single mother with full custody. It’s not the life I imagined, but it’s a life where my daughter and I are safe and where no one else dictates my decisions anymore. Update six. As weird as it sounds, this update will be about my ex-mother-in-law, whom I haven’t talked much about until now.
I thought she was some kind of houseplant acting as decoration, but she did something incredibly funny to my ex-father-in-law, and I know this because he literally called me to tell me about it. She also apologized for not helping me sooner, but at this point I don’t know if I should believe her because she’s been living with Stockholm syndrome for a long time.
Still, stay and read on because I still crack up when I think about it. I don’t think my ex-mother-in-law was very original, but until now I didn’t know anyone who had attempted anything like this. A few months ago, when my ex-father-in-law went out drinking, he came back as drunk as humanly possible, just before a spark sends you flying through the air and landing on the moon.
My ex-mother-in-law took advantage of that moment of distraction, and when he fell asleep, completely passed out, she got some poop. Here she claims it was from a neighbor’s dog, but I’m sure she may have made it herself, to put it politely. She left it at the entrance of the house, where her husband could see it the next day.
What? When he woke up, he found the loot and yelled at him to find out what it was. Then he told him the story of how he came home in bad shape. He’d defecated in the driveway, and even the neighbor saw him doing it. Although I think my ex-mother-in-law was a bit of a stretch here when she said he kept mentioning the name of a man, his best friend, saying it was his fault he was in pain while planting that.
But it’s worked out well for him, because despite that, he hasn’t wanted to talk about it, much less ask his friend what happened. It’s obviously a lie, and he’d easily find out, but my ex-father-in-law is terrified of asking the question. He’s also caught him a couple of times on the couch in front of the TV, staring into space.
And from what I know, my ex-husband has also stopped accepting her advice, and my ex-father-in-law has stopped giving it. Well, they still do, but there’s a certain amount of fear on both sides. First, in case my ex finds out—something his mother can confirm—the part about what he supposedly did, not the lie. And second, in case MX ends up in a similar emergency following her advice.